Prospective Employee Memorandum

From: Office of Otto von Besiex
To: Prospective Employees
Subject: Welcome to the Unknown
Dated: 5 November 1974

You have taken a bold step by contacting us, you must be a bold man and/or woman. We like that in our members. Welcome.

We are required to tell you a few specific and a few vague things about our company, in the hopes that they will aid you in making the right decision as you consider a future with us.

Our hiring practices are governed by the still very useful Prussian “Korporative Induktion Methode”. You may already be familiar with it as it has seen a recent resurgence, if you are not, here is a brief intro from our manual:

Korporative Induktion Methode (translated as Corporate Induction Method) A method of locating, evaluating, and admitting new members to an organization (including new employees to a company). The method (KIM) was developed in Prussia in the early 20th century, by General Franz von Posen, to improve officer candidate selection and induction, and the improvement in leadership brought improved morale and combat effectiveness. German Emperor William II gave the method credit for several key military victories and this success combined with this estimable endorsement saw the method’s rapid adoption by corporations throughout Prussia, but most noticeably in Berlin. Many historians believe that it was the Korporative Induktion Methode (KIM) that was responsible for transforming Prussian industry into the marvel that it rapidly became. It has been argued that this new and unparalleled efficiency created the surplus production capacity that an otherwise non-war-minded Prussia turned to armament construction so as to avoid large scale unemployment. How responsible the KIM was for WW I remains debatable, but it can hardly be a coincidence that the Treaty of Versailles signed in 1918 to end WW I specifically proscribes the KIM in one its 440 clauses. Forbidden and then largely forgotten, the KIM remained in use over the last 90 years by only a handful of German, Austrian, and Belgian companies and secret societies. It remains to this day the best tool for forming and maintaining a cohesive and effective organization.The method includes the following elements:

  • I. Identification
    • i. Public Notice of Availability
  • II. Evaluation
    • i. Meeting 1
    • ii. Meeting 2
  • III. Trial
    • i. Trial Week 1
    • ii. Trial Week 2
  • IV. Admission

I. Identification

II.i. Public Notice of Availability

Finding prospective members is done by registering a public notice about the organization in local trades pages and periodicals. The notice must be specifically engineered to appeal to those most likely to fit the mould of the organization. The notice must be public so as to allow divine providence an opportunity to act. After initial contact, but before evaluation, the organization must disclose the following:

II.i.i. Adherence to Pavlioni Principle (if applicable)
II.i.ii. Base State (lowest common expectations)

II. Evaluation

A sequence of two initial interviews are conducted before a candidate can be considered for trial. Each interview has its own governing rules.

II.i. Meeting 1

The initial meeting is a one-on-one social occasion, conducted at a café. The organization provides the prospective member a beverage and (optionally) a pastry. It is forbidden to discuss the organization or the positions open within the organization. The purpose of the meeting is to establish whether or not the prospective member’s personality and general experience is suitable for the organization, and the organization suitable for the prospective member. To aid in rapidly evaluating compatibility and conflict avoidance/resolution techniques, a discussion and exchange of ideas on controversial and uncomfortable topics must be conducted. The interviewer informs the organization about his/her findings, and the organization makes the determination about whether the prospective member is still a candidate.

II.ii. Meeting 2

If the candidate is still eligible, within 5 days of the first meeting the second meeting occurs. The prospective member will be introduced to additional members of the organization. The organization is discussed in detail, as well as the specific role available to the prospective member. The prospective member’s specific personality, skills, experience, and suitability are discussed/considered. The organization makes the determination about whether the prospective member is still a candidate.

III. Trial

A trial period ensures that organization and candidate prove suitable in actual practice.

III.i. Trial Week 1

[Removed. Information provided as necessary.]

III.ii. Trial Week 2

[Removed. Information provided as necessary.]

IV. Admission

[Removed. Information provided as necessary.]

In accordance with KIM II.i.i., we hereby disclose:

We operate under the Pavlioni Principle (if you aren’t familiar with it, see the definition we included below).

In accordance with KIM II.i.ii., the Base State can be described as:

We are a small startup company. We are currently less than 5 employees. We telecommute as well as meet at the home office of the founder. We operate in two modes. We are a consulting software company, providing services to clients (primarily one client, a leading tech site). We also own several internet properties which we are expanding and popularizing. We are self-funded; and to date, not wealthy. We can promise an interesting and challenging job at a reasonable wage, with the unknown possibility of some larger success, but cannot guarantee long term employment or riches.

We would like to engage you in a Meeting I at your earliest convenience.

If you’re not familiar with KIM, we like to tell people to go into it expecting nothing more than a free cup of coffee, a croissant, and some lively and pleasant conversation.

Yours,
Otto von Besiex

LRZ:PPK

 


We take certain playful liberties with the foundational and cultural history of our company. But on technical matters, we tell no tales.